Kalau terasa, tu kau peh pasal.

Korang memang tak senang tengok aku hidup dengan sempurna kan?
Orang kata jangan main api dan sememangnye aku ni api.
Kepala batu pon.

Takot terasa, jangan baca. Berambus.
What's here stays here.

Still wanna read? If you assume that it's for you and wanna go all crazy over it, then you're an IDIOT.
And don't come at me charging. Wrong Move.


Sidetrack.
Notice up!
If you don't like it, say you don't. If you do, say you do. Don't beat about the bush. 

Generally;
I'll throw an axe at you.
Even amongst my friends I am the flame.
I am always the most angsty.
The most ambitious and egoistic.
Of course I never criticise my looks.
I accept every feature on my body that Allah gives me.
My eldest sister ever told me back when I was still a child.
"Do not criticise your looks or others' looks. If you do, you're just criticising Allah's creation."
From then on, I accept my every looks even though my left pinky finger is defected and my facial skin is peeling like a snake.
I can have so many complains but it's just due to my lack of attention to take care of it.
Because Allah creates everyone beautiful. No one is ugly.
People just made themselves ugly.
Plastic surgery, too much make up, wrong facial products and all those stuffs.
To me, if a person don't have pimples, that person's features is flawless.
One word, BEAUTIFUL.
I get jealous actually.
Hehe

Back to the original topic here.
People said I've been imagining things and assuming things.
I know what I said and I know what I've investigated.
And when it happens in front of you, then you wanna say that I've been speaking facts?
Yeah, good work.
But it's okay. At least you see it first hand of the hurt I get directly.

For people who has been feeding with information of the things that I do when I don't, come I clap for you.
ON YOUR FACE. That should be best.

It triggers me so much since recently.
When I met Zai, it all flows out.
All the hurt, the pain. Everything.
I don't know what gives but she's always around whenever I go through the hard times.
Then she'll push me so much I feel like pushing her back.
Hahahah kidding!

I am not afraid. To be honest.
It's depressing of course, but it doesn't scare me.

Back when I was with the !$#$#@$ people, I would always say,
You beroks deserve nothing but my middle finger right to your face.
To be honest, even though those people are not pious nor saints, they taught me to be daring to face whatever that comes charging at me.

That's why I don't talk behind other people's back and don't feed on rumours.
Because my momma taught me better than that.

I just turned different nowadays.
Maybe it's the transition of being with someone for a period of time.
He becomes a part of my life. My other half.
I don't say this to anyone that has ever been or currently in my life.
He's the water and I'm the fire.

Even one of his friends' mother said to him,"Takpela. Bagos la dia api, awak air. Cik boleh nampak Muna ni garang orangnye."

And yes sir, I am a lot like my mother. I don't give a damn about other people's opinion in a heated debate when I know I am so damn right.
I will fight until I WIN. I am not afraid of losing but when I am fighting for my rights, I WILL WIN.

Boyfriend said amongst all of my friends, I am the most ambitious, always on the ball and keeping the flame burning.
I told you my ego is useful. It puts pressure on myself and make sure I achieve something every now and then.
Why?
Allah knows my every moves and my every intention of my sacrifice and my anger.
To put it simply, I allow myself to suffer so much for my mom, my future and to protect my mom.
If there's anyone who dares to treat my mom like a child, TEACHING her how to do things in a RUDE manner, that person should be taught some hardcore MANNERS.

Yes, my mom got that kinda treatment a lot of times and it's always her children come about to fight back. She's too nice to other people. Haiyaa...
Sis said,"Takde siapa pon patot brani nak mengajar mak aku gitu macam dengan cara kurangajar macam gitu."
Even if my siblings were to be in bad terms with each other, we will still come about together. Not one person left out.
That's the power of my family values that both my parents planted.
So, I guess you know why I'm doing everything I can to give her a good life and put aside my needs.

And like Mom always tell me,"It's okay if people don't like you. It's okay if no one listens to you. Because Allah is always listening. Speak to Him."

My mom may be harsh on her children. But her values is something not to be accounted for.
She planted every single values she have into us. And make sure we practice it correctly.
I come from an old family, what do you expect?
And I Love It!

PS She knows who we mix around with and she's not worried about who I mix with. Hehe! She said I'm too stubborn to be influenced. Even she can't do nuts about it. 

Thanks to Shiela who made my day today.
She encourages me a lot.
Babe, if you're reading this, just to tell you, I hope your du'as will be granted.
I know you went through somewhat the same though worse.
You're married now and I pray for your marriage to last till Jannah.
Amin.

And up till here for my cursing.

I apologise if I come across to look like a freak or a pain in the butt to some people.
No matter, it doesn't gives anyone the right to ruin my life and chances.
Because it go back to you.
You simply do not do what you don't want others to do to you.
And if you're already facing it, and you're still wondering why, wake up.
Wake up your idea.
You've become offensive and without you realising, people becomes offensive to you.

And to the last one. A small confession.
It's something I told boyfriend almost all the time.

"Though your mom is not mine, I still treat her like my own. You shouldn't be a pain in the butt and if you go through troubles, seek me. We'll work things out. Give her your best and don't trouble her any longer. For your two girls, teach them to be great women. They have great potential. Greater than yours. Bring everyone together and work together. If you envy my siblings' teamwork, take it to yours. I love your two girls. And even with they have anything against me, if any, my prayers are still with them. For a good life, be a good son, brother, man. Then you'll be capable of anything."

I know I am not of age to speak lesser than my age, but I'll give a shot to have angels be with them.

I don't talk behind people's back? I do.
Only in a different manner and content.

I don't seek understanding. Just mutual respect not to meddle around with my feelings, my pride and my life.

Ok bye