It has been a few days more than a year since the last time I made an entry to this blog.
Something happened that caused me to withdraw from blogging.
I think I'm getting over it bit by bit.

A lot has happened.
My ninja mademoiselle is now 1 years old.
How time flies.
It's so soon.
However, I'm the proudest to have witnessed and be a part of her every milestone.

So many incidents took place the past year.
One of which, is my struggle to hold our marriage at least stable.
Usually it takes me to reflect at this timing.
Time check: 12.10am.

We did well, so far. That people would be too surprised to learn that we've struggled so much.
Not because of monetary issues, but basically whether or not we want to really stay. Well actually it's just me.
We expected the first 5 years of marriage to be tough. Who knows it got us on a really thrill ride.
It wasn't fun nor comforting. I wanted out, so many times.

I know I shouldn't be telling anyone about this because I might be giving him a bad name.
Rest assured, it has always been me. My husband has been really strong and held on no matter.
I am still dealing with my non-diagnosed depression and the adapting and accepting to the changes I've made with myself, both knowing and unknowingly.

I can never really look back. When I do, I'll get stuck there and refused to move.
I really loved the person I was. So strong, so fearless.

Hasten things up, my husband is not a man of many words.
He'll always use music to explain to me. He does not know how to express what's in his heart so he used another medium to do it on his behalf. Music.

I decided to just listen to a song he used to tell me that he listens to whenever we have a fight.
Now, I understood. Previously, I just listened and didn't regard any message from it.
It's a different story now. I felt his heart. I really felt it.
I needed an answer to my issues and confusion. I wasn't sure about how I felt about him. I am very good with my words, I can convince people however, I have tremendous difficulty to express how I feel about someone truly.

It's Sampai Mati sung by Hazama.

He told me that though that song was made for Hazama's mom, he felt that it spoke for him.
Especially this part of the chorus:
Andai dunia hancur binasa
Ku kan setia sampai mati cintaku
Takkan berserah, takkan ku mengalah hingga kau buat diriku takhta dihatimu. 

Well, I discovered something new about him today.
He's actually romantic who's married to a very tough person, yours truly.
I am not easy to deal with and honestly, even I get irritated by myself every now and then.

Marriage is tough but I believe that when Allah put me to it, He'll get me through it.
He's the Almighty, He knows me best.

Ok bye.